


Will these feelings reach you?

by Nekomiya



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2252151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekomiya/pseuds/Nekomiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's too late</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will these feelings reach you?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lilibruised](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lilibruised).



Noiz shifted uncomfortably in his spot in the bed. It was soft and smelled of smoke and flowers... It was nice, but not really his sort of thing. He wasn't use to the softness of the mattress, the silky sheets that warmed his body, nor the person sitting next to him. It was strange. He wasn't used to it at all... Despite the strangeness, he didn't particularly hate it. 

In fact, he loved it. 

He really loved being with someone who warmed him in many ways. When they were together recently, he had found himself having thoughts that made his stomach tie itself up into knots and make him feel like he would be sick. He also always felt his body warm up when they got too close. He could feel his cheeks catch fire too without much effort. This man made him feel... Weird. He had no idea how to describe it. It was a sickly sweet feeling that pulsed through his veins and made his thoughts blurry with some other sort of feeling. 

He had never felt it before- Or what he assumed was a feeling. He still couldn't feel much at all. 

Smoke floated around him in the air and burned his eyes a bit. It was bearable, but he didn't like it. It didn't really matter what he thought though. He knew that the other was focused on... Other things. He took in a deep breath and sighed softly. 

"Was it good?" Koujaku questioned in a monotone voice. 

The voice pulled him away from his train of thought and rang through his ears like music. He absolutely adored his voice. He loved all of it so much. He could listen to it all day without growing weary, except when, 

"It was okay...." Noiz answered. 

_Except when you say someone else's name before you come._

They had sex not too long ago. Their bodies became one and he could feel all of it. He could feel the pain and the pleasure for once instead of feeling absolutely empty. He felt every little bit of it and enjoyed it. 

Koujaku was thrusting deep inside of him with rapid paces that drove him insane. He could feel him pressing up against his tight walls and moving like an animal. It was almost like he didn't have a care in the world. He fucked Noiz as if he was simply a toy ready to be used. 

That was fine. 

Noiz loved it. 

He loved all of it. 

He loved looking upwards with his eyes that were glazed with lust at the person he basically sold his soul to. He loved to look at the raven who had hair clinging to the sides of his face, the way his muscles moved each time he moved, and he loved hearing his voice. His deep growls of frustration, the moans of sweet pleasure, or the cursing that spilled from his lips when he felt especially good. 

Though, he didn't like one part of his voice. 

He didn't like it when he heard someone else's name.

During the who knows how many time they were sleeping together, when they were finally accepting each other as they both were, Koujaku craved for someone else. 

It would also most likely explain why his eyes were closed the entire time.

After all they had been through too. Every date, every time they had sex, every time they gazed into each other's eyes, every time they said "I love you"- All of those precious memories and more were gone. 

He could still picture everything that happened. 

_Koujaku pushed himself inside of Noiz deeper and quicker. His hips jerked as he ground into him with ease. A low moan rumbled from the back of his throat as he clenched onto the blond's waist with a tighter grip. His nails sunk into his skin enough to cause red crescents to form._

_Noiz cried out with pleasure while he pushed back against each thrust in hope to have more friction. His hands were entangled in the sheets while he clutched onto them for life. His hair was a mess and his back arched beautifully into all of the touches. His toes were curled and he could hardly breathe from their heat. It was making his skin sticky and slick with sweat, but he welcomed it. Short gasps, mewls and moans continuously filled the air when that sweet bundle of nerves was hit over and over again._

_There was a heat pooling in the pit of his stomach and he was sure that he was going to come soon. Feeling the member inside of him begin to pulse and swell, he reached outwards to Koujaku to almost grasp his arm._

_"Kouja-"_

_"A-aoba!"_

_Noiz was cut off and left in shock. He still came hard onto his own stomach, but he was in disbelief still. His member dribbled the thick liquid that was still staining his tip.  He shivered afterwards and wrapped his hand reaching out back onto the sheets. Come from the taller leaked from his hole as soon as the warmth was removed._

_Koujaku was panting heavily and had collapsed onto him. He hovered over Noiz and went down for yet another kiss to steal._

_Instantly, the German pulled away and turned his head to the side. He closed his eyes and bit down on his bottom lip. His brows were knitted together and a saddened expression graced his face. It was one that he never wore since he was a child._

_After that, Koujaku sat up and moved under the sheets to make them both a bit more comfortable._

And here they were now. 

"..." Koujaku was silent. He shifted his gaze back to Noiz and cleared his throat. "You're the one who started all this, brat." Putting the smoke back to his lips, he inhaled deeply. 

The teen turned onto his front and crossed his arms to prop himself up on his elbows. He didn't want to say these things, but he knew that they were absolutely true. If he could have his way, then he would forget about what had just happened all together. 

"My feelings changed..." Tapering off, 

Yes, he was well aware that he was the one that asked to stay over that night and go on a date. Yes, he was aware that he was the one that kissed Koujaku first. And yes, he knew that he went too far. He went too deep with the strange feelings inside of his chest. He knew he shouldn't have done any of these things. He knew that, but...

"Even if yours obviously didn't..." He finished while staring at him with a serious gaze. 

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Iloveyou IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou- But... will these feelings even reach you?_

"Then leave." 

_It looks like they didn't._

"Fine." 

Noiz stood up and slipped back on his pajama pants that were laying on the ground. He put them on easily and walked across the wood floor with slight pain. It was about the same feeling of waking up on the wrong side of the bed, so it was barely anything. 

"But first, I'm going to make a pit stop, old man." 

"Whatever." 

As soon as he was inside of the bathroom, he plucked out a razor edge from inside of the cabinet that Koujaku most likely used for shaving. He stared at the shiny piece of metal and felt angry. Anger swelled up inside of him and he bit down on his tongue. 

"I can't even feel anything..." He whispered to himself filled with rage. 

He took the blade and sank it down into his flesh without hesitation. He ripped his skin apart and ran it back and forth. He picked up the blade and continued to stab himself over and over again. Blood seeped out of the wounds and dribbled down off of his wrists into the sink. He cut deeper and deeper until he could begin to see his muscles being sliced apart. 

Next, he did the same to his other hand. In the process, he touched the blood over and over again, but still. He felt nothing. 

Grinding the razor into his skin, he felt a tiny prick finally. 

It wasn't enough. 

 _I'm ugly. I'm so ugl    y no one wan    ts me no one want    s me I'm uglyi'm so ugly_ _i'm tir  ed i wa    nt to rest i wantto sleep i want toclose m  y  eyee s and n o t s ee  an y  mo  re_

_I'm so usel eess I didn't even  deserve   to  o be withn  y o u_

_alone im so alO ne alone Im so aLoNE i am just a mONstEr a mONstER deeper morRE more more mORE I need to-_

_koujaku i  l         ove y ou i  n eeed  you  i l  o v e y ou so mUch I neED yOU h ERE with mE_

_did you e v er feelanything w     ith me    didn    y  o u see m   e for Me did  Y o U evER notICE mE  do  y O u    eevenLovE me?_

_I wanted You   to hOLD m e   i n y ourar  m s I w   aNT edD  YoU TO LoVE ME cOME   B A    CK AND hOL d                     mE                 O n l y             Me_

_Die.               sleep             dIE           sleep            regret            Die                     sleep               regret        Die                 regret             sleep                      sleep                Die                 DIE                       Die_

_sleep               regret            sleep                 Die             DIE        sleep             die             sleep                   Die           sleep      DIE           Die             Die            sleep             DIE             die           sleep              d ieDIE_

_dIE              Die         die                    die       sleep              DiE          Die         die                die               die                Die    die             die     DIE           die          die die sleep sleep_

_diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diedi ediediediediediediediediediediediedie_ _diediediediediediediediediediediedie__

**_Regret._ **

**_regret. regret r  e gr et re gr e  t  regret regret regretgreg  re   g r et_ **

**_R e GR et._ **

 

> **_Was I not good enough for you???_ **
> 
> **_I didn't want this to happen._ **
> 
> **_Why did I fall for you?_ **
> 
> **_It was the first time,_ **
> 
> **_The way you touched me made me feel so warm_ **
> 
> **_even if I knew it was no good_ **
> 
> **_You made me love you_ **
> 
> **_I thought you would learn to love me_ **
> 
> **_I thought you would forget HIM_ **
> 
> **_You are my everything_ **

 Noiz brought his hands up to look at. Blood was pouring heavily from both of them. His skin had been cut too deep by this point. He didn't even notice. He could barely feel any of the pain. All he knew was that his wrists were bleeding a lot. He had no feeling over them and it felt like they were simply dead weight now. He could barely even move his fingers and it seemed a vessel was split. It didn't even matter. 

Nothing mattered. 

Despite all of his efforts and sacrifices he had made to the person he thought he could trust until the end of time- They were all put to waste. 

Koujaku must have known about what he had said. What had ruined them.

He began to wonder if he ever had any feelings for him in the first place. 

What if the entire time Koujaku was simply trying to make Aoba jealous? 

Did they even have anything? 

Or was it all

                                                                                                                   **Fake** **  
**

Their love must have been fake. Each time he was held must have been fake. It wasn't real. None of it was real. It was false. It was all false.

He was such an idiot. 

Who the hell could ever fall in love with someone like him? 

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he covered his eyes with shame. He sobbed heavily and attempted to even out his breathing. It didn't work. It didn't work at all. He felt even more pathetic now. 

He sat down on the floor and cried. 

Blood and his tears were mixing and splattering on the floor in pools of sorrow. 

"Thank you.... Koujaku...." 

                                                                                                           _An hour passed._

_Two hours passed._

_Three._

_four_

_five_

_six_

                     After six hours, Koujaku yawned and removed the covers off of his bed. It was light outside by now. Looking at the clock, it was about six am. He glanced over at the sheets beside him and rolled his eyes at the emptiness. Looks like that brat went home after a while. Great. Now he could do his usual work without bother. 

 He scratched at his stomach as he lazily rolled out of bed. Walking to the bathroom, he rubbed some sleep out of his eyes. 

Wait. 

Something smelled weird. 

Opening the door to the bathroom, Koujaku stared at the scene with shock. 

There         on           the f l oor 

 **blood stain** **ed** the wood 

                                                the st            ench of **deat h** and **b lood** filled the entire bathr         oom 

                                                                                                                      and in the center 

Was his beloved Noiz

".....N-No... Not again..." 

Koujaku collapsed onto the floor and reached outwards to clasp Noiz's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Noiz, I

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I am finished writing this bye


End file.
